PEOPLE of the DECADE

In the Worlds of Culture, Religion, and Science

POPULAR CULTURE
Entertainer of the Decade. Dominated by child-centric cinema, repurposed music, and the oxymoronic reality television, the decade in pop culture was characterized by style in search of substance, drama in search of meaning, talk in search of real dialogue.

No, wait—there was no searching going on. So the natural choice for Entertainer of the Decade is the person who embodies everything about the decade, meaning nothing at all: Ryan Seacrest. Don’t know who Ryan Seacrest is? No one truly knows who, or what he is. He is a “personality.” He is everywhere and nowhere, and has no physical body.

Athlete of the Decade. He’s a baseball player. And check out these average yearly numbers for the ten seasons this decade:

28 HR, 68 RBI, .268 Batting Average

If you’re not impressed, consider the circumstances. He was part of a generation of stars who emerged in baseball in the late 1980’s that included names like Clemens, Bonds, and Sosa. He was considered the best in baseball in the 1990’s, but his stature diminished in the past decade, eclipsed by those names. Age and injuries slowed him, and while the others used steroids to artificially counteract those forces, he chose to deal with them naturally (as far as we can tell). In a hypercompetitive sport obsessed with statistical records, Ken Griffey Jr. accepted being good, not great, in the last half of his career. And that’s what made him great.

RELIGION
Christian of the Decade (tie). This is based, of course, on which public figure most embodies the principles of Jesus. I choose a man who devoted most of adult life to prizing the least among us: the late, Judeo-atheist Studs Terkel. True, his was a life of words, while countless unnamed people acted Christ-like in deed. But at some point, Studs’ work became deeds themselves—the act of listening, the act of sharing the words of common people. He published five such books in this decade, all acts of love.
Shared with:
Osama bin Laden, for best carrying on the more ruthless traditions of Christianity, and for his uncanny resemblance to Jesus.

Muslim of the Decade. Islam means devotion to God in accordance with the teachings of the holy Koran. Therein we will find some recurring themes, like equality and restraint. A few quick quotes:

“An Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action."

“You may fight in the cause of God against those who attack you, but do not aggress.”

“You may kill those who wage war against you, and you may evict them whence they evicted you.”

After giving the first-ever Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech advocating war, under the same conditions described above, Barack Obama sweeps in late to grab another honor, Muslim of the Decade.

SCIENCE
Environmentalist of the Decade. Being an environmentalist has nothing to do with beliefs or personal commitments to saving the earth. Supporting green causes no more makes you an environmentalist than joining PETA makes you a vegan. So this award goes a person you have seen often, a most public of public figures: the homeless man in your city. He doesn’t drive. He uses minimal gas & electricity. He recycles. He drinks domestic beverages. Us homed people better give a hell of a lot of money to Greenpeace if we want to make up the difference in carbon footprints between us and him.

Technologist of the Decade. I type these words on an antiquated system. It’s a computer, of course, but the interface of keyboard, mouse and screen already seem dated in the presence of a video game system called the Wii. The Wii is not just a translator of bodily motion into data, like a computer or other game console; rather, it integrates the body with the machine. Games have made the big leap forward. Sex and porn will follow, and then finally all communication and expression will occur with electronic devices completing the social circuitry of movements and vibrations of the body. This award could go to Ken'ichiro Ashida, a principal designer of the Wii. But I’m giving it to the Russian inventor Leon Theremin, whose musical instrument of the same last name is the technological godfather of the Wii. Death silenced Leon in 1997, but his lovely sounds reverberated through the decade.



What’s missing here? A sense of fairness led me to search for a Jew of the Decade, but I was stumped, and welcome nominations. The absence of women among the winners led me to try to shoehorn one in, but the best I could do was Hillary Clinton as Loser of the Decade. Again, I welcome suggestions.

Or just wait till 2020 rolls around. Have a great decade!